I have put enormous pressure on myself to be effective and not waste my time for the past couple of years. I have a problem with just being present in the moment and doing nothing. I have also been struggling a lot with being content with my life right now. Every time I have had some time off I have been analyzing what I want to do with my life or planning the future. Trying to make every minute count. My mind is very rarely in a just relaxed state. It happens some times, usually when we are taking a long walk the LIL wolf, but I need more of it. Society doesn’t really help either because it glorifies being busy and concepts like time management, productivity and effectiveness are ever present. There is no time not be doing or thinking about anything in particular.
Lately I have been noticing these patterns in my behavior and two weekends ago I decided to let those patterns go and just be more. Last weekend I sat outside in the sun for probably two hours and didn’t think about anything special. I was listening to the birds and letting my thoughts go where ever they wanted. It was so nice not to feel rushed or like I should be doing something else more productive. We were out at a summerplace with friends and it was also a great feeling to not feel the need to plan lots of things. We played games, chatted, helped them with some house renovations, cooked food – all without feeling stressed about what we were going to do next.
I took the full day off today (we have a half day) and embraced the same mindset. Sitting in the sun eating breakfast with no rush to do the things I had planned. I also sat outside in the park listening to the wind for half an hour while the LIL wolf was sniffing around. We are going out to our summer place today for a long weekend so I will keep practicing to just be. To let things take time and not plan everything. I don’t always have to be moving the needle forward. It is okay to enjoy the present and be content with life and take one day at a time.